Really good ideas, you just need to clean up the format and word choice/punctuation for your 4.06. Be sure to view the MarkUp copy with my detailed notes.
Thesis Statement: Has a clear thesis statement including all 3 body paragraph topics in it
Hook: Has a very interesting, creative hook to draw the reader in
Essay is From YOUR head?: Essay is fully from your own knowledge.
Content supports main idea: The ideas and content of the essay support the main idea.
Beginning, Middle, End: The essay has 2 clear parts but the body is
confusing as all sentences are broken up like paragraphs.
Progression of Ideas: The majority of the essay flows logically but
small parts may not fit together well or no transitions.
Language and Tone: Language and tone are appropriate for the essay and consistent throughout it.
Sentence Variety: The essay has a variety of sentence beginnings, lengths, and structures.
5 paragraphs: The paragraphing is unclear.
Spellcheck Was Used: Spelling/Grammar check most likely was run but quite a few mistakes that should have been fixed.