I find no peace, and all my war is done;
I fear and hope, I burn and freeze likewise
I fly above the wind, yet cannot rise;
And nought I have, yet all the world I seize on;
That looseth, nor locketh, holdeth me in prison, And holds me not, yet can I ’scape no wise;
Nor lets me live, nor die, at my devise,
And yet of death it giveth none occasion.
Without eyes I see, and without tongue I plain;
I wish to perish, yet I ask for health;
I love another, and yet I hate myself;
I feed in sorrow, and laugh in all my pain;
Lo, thus displeaseth me both death and life,
And my delight is causer of my grief.
After great pain a formal feeling comes—
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions—was it He that bore?
And yesterday—or centuries before?
The feet mechanical go round
A wooden way
Of ground or air or ought
A quartz contentment like a stone.
This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived
As freezing persons recollect
First chill, then stupor, then
The letting go